Lixx Hulahan vs. America's Got Talent
Telling people that you ‘have talent’ implies that nobody thinks you had any in the first place, thus the need to volunteer the information. This in turn usually means that you don’t ‘have talent.’ In fact, chances are you may even ‘suck.’ So when the producers of a show named America’s Got Talent called and asked me to audition I did not immediately jump at the chance.
The first season showcased a variety of oddball acts, from guys riding motorcycles on furniture to quick-change artists to magicians to ventriloquists. But despite the eccentricities of the many participants AGT still ultimately chose a young singing girl as "America’s Most Talented." Imagine that! I would have thought America’s Got Talent - the sister show to American Idol - would have elected something other than another singer to show that America really really has talent (no, really, we do have talent!). I guess mainstream TV-watching America wants the comfort, familiarity and safety of a singing little girl to represent them and not something as ‘weird’ as a woman who can shoot a bow and arrow with her feet whilst doing a handstand, or an 80 year old black grandma spitting gangsta rap (both failed acts from season one).
I did some research on the show and learnt vaguely how the show runs. During the first round of this "reality game show" a team of producers travel from city to city hosting cattle-call auditions. Hordes of wanna-bes (like myself, to be fair) show up in herds to give their best 90 seconds to a panel of people who have seen it all before. Next, all the audition footage is reviewed over what must be a mind-numbing six months. A select few are then called upon and invited to LA for the competition rounds. Those who accept will perform their talent in front of the fabled ‘studio audience’ and feared ‘celebrity judges.’ Contestants are judged (usually harshly) as soon as their act is done (sometimes sooner) and either advance to the next level (in Las Vegas) or get sent home. At that point the show becomes a human interest story where contestants are then shaped into personalities. Viewers get insights and glimpses into the rigorous training and molding needed to make America’s next big talent.
Oh, and the prize is $1,000,000.
When I find this out I have little question about how I fit into all this.
Am I worthy of a million bucks?
Hardly. More like $35 and a slice of pizza.
Bjorn Turoque was also asked to audition so I ask his opinion. Bjorn is known the world over as the first Professional Air Guitarist. He will go into any situation, no matter how awkward or inappropriate, and air guitar - college lectures, bookstore appearances, tv commercials, you name it... I ask him, Should I go on the show, even though I would merely be providing the judges with fodder for ridicule? "Give the people what they want," he advises.
I take some pause before arriving at the notion that, if nothing else, I will hopefully get a good story out of the experience. And, if I’m lucky, another chance to act silly on national television (anything to make my friends proud). And if I'm really lucky maybe I’ll get a picture air-guitaring with celebrity judge David Hasselhoff (aka Michael Knight, the squashbuckling passenger of the 80’s coolest car – K.I.T.T.)!
I say Yes, I’ll do it.